Chapter 67: My Online Girlfriend Is My Mother

"Damn!"
"Holy shit!"
"What the hell!"
The barrage was filled with exclamations of all sorts.
"As expected of the Godfather of Singles, that answer was badass."
"Man, if you keep eating like that, your friend will bankrupt God himself."
"There's a guy called Ma the Awesome, he says he can eat shit, three pounds a day."
"Let me eat three pounds too, otherwise I won't feel at ease taking this money."
...
Bai Qingming started things off, and the viewers chimed in with quick quips, filling the stream with a lively, raucous atmosphere, punctuated by gifts being sent—a well-known tradition, since everyone loved to use gifts to mock the streamer.
Bai Qingming was quite pleased with the effect.
"Let's welcome the next lucky guest."
After bidding farewell to the first guest, Bai Qingming called up the next participant in the queue.
"Hello?"
As the connection succeeded, Bai Qingming spoke first.
But on the other end, a torrent of curses erupted.
"Yasuo, your mother is dead!"
"ADC, I'm your father!"
"Three against one and you still got counter-killed, do you even know how to play?"
"Is this it? Is this it?"
"Sion, sing your song!"
"I told you to ult, and you're over there singing 'Two Tigers Run Fast'—what the hell?"
"Useless bunch, can't carry, can't carry."
The cursing came one after another; it was obvious the other person was in a heated League of Legends match.
The viewer on the other end was "communicating" with his teammates, encouraging them in his own special way.
"Wait, is it my turn? Is it me?"
Finally, the second guest seemed to realize what was happening, and snapped out of it, "Sorry, I was gaming just now, didn't notice."
At that moment, the other viewers all smiled knowingly.
"This guy is definitely an old Zodiac player."
"Brother, your words are truly refreshing. We are kindred spirits!"
"Hey man, need someone to curse for you? Ten bucks a shot, a hundred for a month. I'm a professional, all manual, ten insults per second, twenty-four hour service, won't stop until the other guy rage quits, honest and fair, reasonable prices, no scams, industry pioneer!"
"Too many words, I'll stick with you!"
...
"No worries."
Bai Qingming interjected at the right moment, "Please tell us your story."
As soon as he finished, the guest paused, confused.
"Uh... what was I going to say? Stupid Yasuo... no, that's not it... I forgot."
In an instant, the viewers in the stream were laughing again.

"Are you a clown sent by the monkeys?"
"My guess is he's a middle schooler."
"I bet he's an elementary school kid, sixth grade at most, no higher."
...
"Oh, right, I remember now."
After more than ten seconds, the guest finally emerged from the gloom of being sabotaged by his teammates.
But for some reason, his tone suddenly turned sorrowful.
The mood shifted dramatically as he slowly spoke, stunning everyone with his words.
"So here's the thing—I'm eighteen, and I have an online girlfriend. We've been dating for three years, and we agreed to meet up this month.
But on the day we met, I discovered that my beloved online girlfriend was actually my mom!"
Bai Qingming: "???"
Viewers: "???"
"I don't dare go home and face my mom now. I've been living in an internet café for a week; I'm out of money for the overnight pass. Streamer, can you help me?"
As he spoke, he began to cry, but halfway through, a roar erupted from his side.
"Ready up, who's the idiot not clicking? Yasuo, I'm begging you, just go get a job, will you?"
For a moment, everyone in the stream, Bai Qingming included, fell silent.
"Genius! Dating your own mother online."
"No way, seriously? Bro, you’re way too carefree. Still playing games?"
"May I ask, is your father still alive? No offense, just curious—aren't you basically cuckolding him emotionally?"
"Young man, you’re inexperienced, you don’t understand. The waters here run deep; everything online is virtual. Let me give you some advice—take that comment back and let your uncle handle it."
"Damn, the more you think about it, the scarier it gets."
The viewers kept up their irreverence.
Truth be told, Bai Qingming also found this problem a bit tricky; for a moment, he couldn’t think of a good solution.
After pondering, Bai Qingming uttered just two words.
"Impressive!"
The guest: "…"
"Let me ask—were your chats with your online girlfriend—your mother—explicit?"
"Pretty explicit."
He answered honestly.
"And after three years of online dating, you never video-chatted with your mom?"
Bai Qingming was baffled.
Not just him; the viewers were all curious.
What kind of person dates online for three years without ever meeting their partner?
"Well…"
The guest was at a loss. "Streamer, can you help me?"
"Let me think."
Bai Qingming tried to comfort him.
He wanted to throw in a couple of cheeky lines, but this really wasn’t the time.
"If you ask me, you should just go home like nothing happened. Call her 'Mom' when you see her. Of course, if you’re bold, you can call her 'Honey' instead."

Bai Qingming offered a rather reasonable solution.
But the caller was stunned.
"No, streamer, you misunderstood."
"What did I misunderstand?"
Bai Qingming was confused.
The guest hurried to explain:
"I mean, once this game is over, I have to log off. I'm out of money for the overnight pass. Can you lend me something?"
Bai Qingming: "???"
He was speechless.
"Not much, fifty will do."
The guest pressed on.
"Moderator, please add this person to the blacklist."
Bai Qingming ordered, ending the call.
The viewers in the stream were laughing nonstop.
"I seriously doubt this guy made up his story just to get some internet café money."
"Bro, you still there? Give your address and I'll bring you some café money for the streamer."
"Me too. Duo queue? My Yasuo is godly."
"+1."
...
"Streamer, streamer, it's my turn."
A third lucky guest appeared in the queue.
The barrage fell silent, everyone ready to hear his story.
"Streamer, here's the deal—I have a real emergency right now.
I'm actually a second-generation rich kid, but my dad has gotten addicted to gambling in recent years, insists he's the King of Gamblers, totally obsessed.
Then yesterday, I suddenly got notified by a lawyer that my dad had lost all our family assets—billions! Worst part, he also gambled away me and my mom.
The day after tomorrow, someone’s coming to collect our assets and us. Streamer, save me!"
The third guest laid out his predicament in one breath, drawing much sympathy from the viewers.
But this time, Bai Qingming remained unusually relaxed.
"This one's easy."
Hearing that, the caller breathed a sigh of relief.
"I've got a trick for you, and it's your only option: do the opposite."
"What do you mean, do the opposite?"
He didn't get it.
Bai Qingming explained:
"Before your assets are seized, sell everything you can. Take all the cash and you and your mom go to Macau. Go all-in—see if you can win yourselves back."
...