Chapter 82: Mutual Destruction

But there was something missing from the funeral couplet; at the end of “Sister Mingshan,” there was a torn edge. It should have read, “Respectfully mourned by Sister Mingshan”—the missing piece must have contained those last two words. Still, there was no doubt that this was a mourning couplet.

Suddenly, Li Changluo felt a wave of nausea. The roast chicken was actually a monster—who on earth could have imagined that? A roast chicken demon? How did you die in your past life? Choked to death on roast chicken? Or did you, like Hei Wa, play with fire and roast a rooster, only to burn yourself to death?

Could you not be so reckless?

But at this moment, Li Changluo felt none of that mattered. What truly mattered was that this sweet, innocent manager had actually eaten one of her own employees…

This could only mean—this roast chicken must be truly delicious.

With that thought in mind, Li Changluo devoured the remaining chicken in one go, then tore the couplet in his hand to shreds and tossed it to the floor.

“This has nothing to do with the manager. I ate the roast chicken alone. I’ll take all responsibility myself.”

Li Changluo lifted his chin and straightened his back, exuding the air of a general ready to shoulder all blame single-handedly. Always think one step ahead of your boss, solve problems for them, take the fall when necessary—that’s what a clever employee should do. Li Changluo felt a gleeful pride in his heart.

I am so damn smart…

Even in a crisis like this, I can keep my cool and take the blame with composure…

I’m about to reach the pinnacle of my life…

I’m about to become the manager’s right-hand man…

From now on, I’ll be the idle, flattery-spouting staff member in this tavern, enjoying a life of currying favor with the boss, flaunting borrowed authority, and never worrying about food or clothes…

How exciting. How thrilling.

How… tedious.

But then—

He was suddenly seized by terror. Why were their gazes so heated as they looked at him?

Li Changluo sensed something was wrong. Not only was Miss Mingshan looking at him with a slow-burning intensity, even the gentle manager, Bai Lianhua, was covering her mouth in astonishment, staring at him. This woman, normally soft as flowing water, now looked as if steam was rising from her eyes, filled with indignant fury.

Could it be… you’re starting to admire what a clever and competent colleague and employee I am?

“Li Changluo, you damn wretch, you, you, you…”

Miss Mingshan, gritting her teeth, gave Li Changluo a hard kick, then squatted down and carefully gathered up the shredded funeral couplet from the floor.

Li Changluo yelped in pain, tumbling to the ground, completely bewildered by the scene before him.

“My little chicken, my dear brother chicken, you’ve truly died with no remains left… You worked so diligently in the tavern for half your life, who would have thought you’d end up dismembered like this…”

“It’s my fault I didn’t protect you. But don’t worry, brother chicken, I will see justice done for you.”

Holding the torn couplet in her hands, Miss Mingshan shook her head in anguish.

Li Changluo was stunned. Did the “little chicken” the manager spoke of actually refer to this couplet?

No, that can’t be right…

“Don’t try to fool me! Manager Bai… just now you said the little chicken was eaten—how did it become a couplet now?”

Li Changluo tried to compose himself and argue.

“Ahaha, you slipped, didn’t you?”

“Aha, ignorance is no crime, after all.”

He mumbled to himself, awkwardly trying to defend his actions.

“It’s my fault—I didn’t stop you in time. The little chicken’s body stuck to the sacrificial offering and you… you ate it…”

As Bai Lianhua spoke, grief and rage overtook her and she began to sob uncontrollably.

Li Changluo was dumbstruck. When you were scamming food and drink just now, devouring the offering, you didn’t seem so heartbroken. Now that everything’s been eaten, you’re acting like a widow?

Does your conscience not ache?

“Mingshan, don’t blame him. He didn’t mean it. To err is human, after all—let him go.”

Li Changluo nodded, a bit aggrieved, gazing at Bai Lianhua. His heart warmed slightly—though she’d tried to shift the blame, now she was still trying to cover for him. Still, it was…

Utterly shameless…

Li Changluo noticed that at some point, Bai Lianhua was holding a stick as thick as her wrist. She slowly handed it to Miss Mingshan.

“Mingshan, don’t hit him. Please, don’t take a life over this. The little chicken is already gone…”

While pleading for Li Changluo, Bai Lianhua gently handed the stick over, her tone as soft as ever.

It was like two people quarrelling—bickering away, perhaps even exchanging heartfelt insults, both secretly hoping someone would give them a way out…

Oh, just give me an excuse to stop, I want this argument to end…

Ah, I’m so thirsty, when will this fight be over?

Maybe one more insult and I’ll let it go?

Or maybe I should let him insult me one more time and call it quits?

And just then, a fool suddenly pipes up from the sidelines, whispering, “Bro, he’s looking at you. Don’t kill him—don’t use the stick…”

And then—

What are you looking at…

What are you looking at me for…

A flurry of blows ensued, the two locked in a life-or-death struggle.

Miss Mingshan, already seething with anger, now found herself with a stick in hand and an irresistible urge to beat someone.

Brandishing the stick, she charged after Li Changluo, determined to avenge her brother chicken.

Li Changluo, quick on his feet, saw the situation turning dire and bolted.

In the tavern’s main hall, a chase for the ages was underway. Bai Lianhua sat cross-legged atop an Eight Immortals table, resting her chin in her palm, quietly enjoying the spectacle.

Li Changluo was an expert at running away, but Miss Mingshan had mastered lightness skills—darting here and there…

How was he supposed to compete?

After a few rounds, Li Changluo had already taken several blows from the stick.

Panting, he wondered if he’d forgotten to check the almanac before going out. How could he have landed in such a mess—eating a funeral couplet, only to face a beating?

This was beyond humiliating.

Chased to the point of exhaustion, Li Changluo was almost out of strength.

“Stop! Miss, please stop—don’t beat the sheep anymore!”

From the tavern’s second floor, Hei Wa came running down, gasping for breath, and stood in front of Li Changluo.

“That’s ‘breaking up mandarin ducks with a stick,’ not ‘beating the sheep,’ for heaven’s sake! Can you use idioms properly? And is this even the right context?”

Li Changluo, too tired to run anymore, was deeply moved—Hei Wa was still his loyal brother. But…

In so serious a moment, what’s with the idiom about ‘breaking up mandarin ducks’? These foreign monsters never do learn their idioms right.

“Step aside, or I’ll beat you too,” Miss Mingshan growled, panting and leaning on her stick.

But Hei Wa’s gaze had shifted to the Eight Immortals table with the offerings. He waddled over to it, lifted the platter that had held the roast chicken, sniffed it…

Licked it…

Then picked up a jug of wine and addressed Miss Mingshan: “If my brother has done anything improper, any offense, I’ll compensate you by losing both my wife and my health.”

“Come, let us joyfully perish together!”

…

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(A heartfelt thanks to everyone who voted to recommend this story—a certain pretentious good guy, Xiuyue… With your support, Li Changluo can keep charging ahead with confidence.)