Chapter 9: I'm Letting Him Cool Off!
Liu Haizhu curled his lip...
He was just about to say something.
As if sensing it, Auntie Lao Er frowned and jumped back instantly.
Pointing her weapon forward, she poked it right at his forehead, and that coward immediately wilted.
...
Democracy Street, second floor of the dormitory building.
A two-bedroom apartment.
Early in the morning, Yang Peng, wearing an undershirt, holding a roll of toilet paper, and shuffling in his slippers, yawned as he walked into the bathroom.
...
Song Xiaole was also awake; he had a meeting at work today.
Also early in the morning, he had just come back from the supply and marketing store downstairs with a pack of "Big Rooster" cigarettes. In his hand, he carried a steaming stainless steel lunch box—this was something the breakfast shop downstairs prepared specifically for him every day.
Inside were fragrant wide noodles with lean meat, topped with a golden-brown fried egg.
Xiaole hadn't even taken a few bites before Yang Peng came running out of the bathroom, clutching his backside.
Holding a small plastic box, Yang Peng shouted at Xiaole: "Le, what's up with this glycerin enema? ...Is it expired? Damn it, after I shoved it in there, forget about going, I can't even pass gas now!"
"Shit!"
Song Xiaole put down his chopsticks and shouted back, annoyed: "I told you, eating too much spicy barbecue makes your stomach run. You just had to run your mouth!"
...
"Stop! ...Don't change the subject!"
Yang Peng rubbed his rear and howled: "This enema..." Halfway through, he suddenly froze, and then began to curse: "Are you sick in the head? ...Putting 502 glue in an enema box... What were you thinking? ...What are you doing? ...Are you trying to kill someone??!"
...
Song Xiaole blinked, then suddenly burst out laughing!
...
After a while, he managed to stop laughing: "Haha, you blockhead, stop blabbering and hurry up, go to the hospital!"
...
"Shit!"
Yang Peng stood there in a daze, unable to snap out of it for a long time.
...Standing there, he shed two lines of miserable tears.
...
He muttered silently to himself: "This time, I'm truly screwed."
...
Sitting in a motorized pedicab on the way to the hospital, Yang Peng looked numbly outside, smoking one cigarette after another.
The old man driving the pedicab was nearly choked unconscious and quickly rolled down the windows on both sides.
...
Yang Peng's expression became even more sorrowful; damn it, haven't I basically turned into a Pixiu (a mythical creature that consumes everything but has no exit)???
Almost at the hospital, which department should I even register for?
...
At the hospital entrance,
Yang Peng paid the fare with a bitter face and walked into the hospital, clutching his crotch.
...
It must be said, business here was quite good.
When it was his turn to register,
The young nurse inside asked with a smile: "Comrade, which department?"
Yang Peng: "The back... no, I mean, the anorectal department."
"Do you have medical insurance?"
"No."
"Second floor, turn left."
"Okay!"
Yang Peng replied, took the registration slip, and headed upstairs, clutching his crotch.
...
Anorectal department.
He was received by a man in his fifties. Seeing the sweat all over his forehead, the doctor asked: "Young man, did you go to the wrong department? I can tell at a glance that you're just weak. Come, come, let me write you a prescription for a tonic."
Yang Peng wiped the sweat from his brow and said, extremely nervous: "Is there any chance that I'm just holding in a bowel movement?"
The old man was shocked on the spot: "What did you say?"
...
"I have a friend..." Yang Peng gritted his teeth: "He used 502 glue as an enema and shot it up his backside. What should we do?"
"Then... what are his symptoms?" The old doctor was also getting a bit nervous. Good heavens, this was the first time in his life he'd heard of such a condition.
"Symptoms... symptoms?" Yang Peng thought carefully, his brows knitting together: "Forget about going, I can't even pass gas."
"Hey, hey, stop blabbering," the old doctor said, holding his forehead: "Go get a colonoscopy first."
Yang Peng stood up, clutching his crotch: "Thank you, Doctor."
"No problem," the old doctor waved his hand and shouted toward the door: "Next!"
...
General Surgery.
This time, he was received by a woman in her twenties who looked like a young mother who had just had a baby, exuding a certain bewitching, milky charm.
On her white coat hung an ID badge that read 'Su Jing'.
...
Yang Peng stared at her and froze, feeling a slight shiver: "Doctor, I need a colonoscopy."
"Hmm,"
Dr. Su adjusted her glasses gently: "Little brother, what happened to you?"
Yang Peng scratched his head, completely on the verge of a breakdown: "This morning, I used 502 glue as an enema and shoved it in my backside... and now, forget about going to the bathroom, I can't even pass gas."
Su Jing looked at him in astonishment, her small mouth forming an 'O': "That... that... you, you really are a genius!"
Hearing such a beautiful woman say this to him, Yang Peng was almost in tears: "What do I do?"
"Close the door," Su Jing pursed her lips: "Strip!"
Looking at her baby-faced features, Yang Peng swallowed hard: "Strip here?"
"Otherwise?" Su Jing's pretty face showed some impatience: "Come here!"
...
'Thump, thump, thump-thump-thump!'
The vigorous heart inside his chest... was pounding at eight hundred yards per second!
...
Yang Peng gritted his teeth, steeled himself, and with a heroic feeling in his heart, he walked toward the doctor.
'Swish!'
He pulled his pants down directly!
Su Jing replied coldly: "Turn around and lay down on the bed!"
"Oh, oh!"
Yang Peng pulled down his pants in misery and lay on the bed.
"Come, lift your legs," Su Jing said, wearing a mask and grinding her teeth: "Come on, spread them."
"Oh, oh!"
Yang Peng bit into the white pillow, tears in his eyes.
...
After some fumbling...
Yang Peng suddenly lifted his head, confused: "Dr. Su, what are you doing?"
"Eh?"
Su Jing searched in confusion: "Where did your anus go?"
Yang Peng shook violently and burst into tears: "What did you say???"
"Slap!"
Su Jing slapped his backside: "Don't move around, I found it!"
"Oh, oh!"
Yang Peng wiped his tears fiercely and lay back down.
"Don't move!" Su Jing said in a serious tone: "Bear with it, I'll try to poke it open for you!"
...
At this moment,
Yang Peng's tears flowed like a fountain; he finally saw a glimmer of hope.
...
Not long after,
Just as Yang Peng felt something cold, he suddenly heard the doctor gasp: "...Holy crap, oh no, we're finished!"
Yang Peng suddenly lifted his head, shocked: "What's wrong?!"
"Damn it!"
Su Jing cursed out loud: "The tube is stuck inside."
...
Yang Peng immediately became frantic: "Shit, then what do we do???"
Su Jing shook her head, looking at him with a hint of pity: "Don't shout, I can't do anything about this. Go get an ultrasound."
"Sigh!"
Yang Peng let out a deep sigh, his head drooping. At this moment, he felt true despair!