Chapter Ninety-Four — Yi Shu, let us break up.

In Cheng Yishu’s eyes there was endless fear and longing.

Lin Xiaowen had always thought that the reason she and Cheng Yishu had ended up together was, to a great extent, simply something that happened naturally. Perhaps they had only felt that they suited each other, and then, all at once, they were together.

But only now did she understand that the reason they had loved each other was that, without either of them realizing it, they had already known one another deeply, so deeply that even a glance, even a small gesture, revealed everything.

Just like now. The fear in Cheng Yishu’s eyes was plain for her to see, and the longing in them she understood just as clearly.

He feared that what he had seen, what he had guessed, was all true.

He longed for Lin Xiaowen to tell him with her own mouth that none of it was real...

“Yishu, I...”

Lin Xiaowen swallowed the dryness in her throat, which felt as if it were already smoking, and facing Cheng Yishu’s widening pupils, she went on softly:

“Let’s break up.”

Cheng Yishu’s body jolted. For nearly half a minute he stood there, stunned, before he finally came to himself.

His mind was utterly silent; even the faint rush of air from the vent was caught in his ears, distinct and unforgiving.

“What did you say?”

His voice held a trace of uncertainty, as though he had misheard.

But Lin Xiaowen did not give him time to think it through. Keeping her eyes lowered, she continued:

“I said let’s break up. This isn’t a discussion, it’s a notice. Cheng Yishu, it’s over between us. From this moment on, it’s over. We don’t need to keep in touch anymore, and we don’t need to see each other again. That’s all.”

Dazed and numb, Lin Xiaowen finished speaking, then turned woodenly toward the tightly shut door. Only then did Cheng Yishu seem to react; he reached out and seized her arm.

In his urgency he failed to control his strength. Lin Xiaowen cried out, and the sound of her arm striking the wall sharply followed.

“Ah...”

“Xiaowen!” Cheng Yishu panicked. Seeing her fair arm immediately swelling red, he became even more helpless.

“I’m sorry, Xiaowen, I didn’t mean to...”

“Cheng Yishu!”

Lin Xiaowen drew a breath, pushed away his hand as he tried to inspect her arm, and said, “Could you be a little more mature? Some things, when it’s time for them to end, we should let go.”

“End? Let go?”

Cheng Yishu stared at her blankly. “Why? Yesterday we were still so happy together. Some days ago, the two of us, and Ranran, even went out to have fun together... Why are you suddenly changing your mind, suddenly letting go...”

“Didn’t you already see it?”

Lin Xiaowen looked at him and said in a low voice, “You must have guessed it too. Because of my relationship with you, your work has been sabotaged time and again by other people. Don’t you think you ought to dislike me even more...”

“I don’t care!”

Cheng Yishu cut her off. “Even if he ruined every single chance I had at work, I wouldn’t care. I told you before, I don’t like this world. I also told you that once I’ve earned enough money, I’ll end my contract with the company. We’ll take Ranran and live like ordinary people, won’t we...”

“Cheng Yishu, stop being foolish.”

Lin Xiaowen curved the corners of her mouth and forced a smile. “What do you think you can do besides this line of work? What else can you do? Right now you can still be your big star, and Ranran and I can still enjoy a few good days by your side, still have something worth showing off. But once you become an ordinary man, how will you ever compare with the Si family...”

The space fell dead silent at once.

No one knew how much time passed. Cheng Yishu narrowed his eyes, took an involuntary half-step back, and stared at her as though he no longer knew her.

“You... what did you say?”

Lin Xiaowen slowly lifted her eyes, which had been lowered, and looked at Cheng Yishu with complete seriousness.

“I could never find Ranran a father who can’t give her the best future, and I could never find myself a man who can’t give me peace for the rest of my life. Cheng Yishu, I used to think that as an idol and a star, your future would certainly be bright. But later I realized that everything seemed to be nothing like what I had imagined...”

“But luckily, the Si family found us, and they are willing to recognize us... With such a good opportunity, how could I possibly...”

“Lin Xiaowen!”

Cheng Yishu’s furious shout rattled the crystal chandelier overhead; even the words on her lips were cut off in an instant.

The faint wind from the vent, each strand like a steel wire coated in thin ice, gently and slowly pierced into Lin Xiaowen’s laboring heart.

Dull and painful. It hurt so much that she did not even dare to sob softly, afraid that if she made the slightest sound, her entire heart would be shattered to pieces.

“I don’t believe it.”

Cheng Yishu dared not look at her merciless eyes. He slowly shook his head, retreating again and again.

“Not a single word of what you’re saying do I believe. I don’t believe what you’re saying. You’re not that kind of woman...”

Seeing Cheng Yishu so discomposed, Lin Xiaowen could not help feeling her own heart tighten into a knot. Suddenly a glimmer of light flared in Cheng Yishu’s eyes. He looked up and said:

“I know. It’s for Ranran, isn’t it? It’s okay... It’s okay, Xiaowen!”

He stepped forward again and took her already ice-cold hand, trembling, smiling in humbled desperation.

“If you think I’d be happier doing this line of work, then I... then we can keep trying, keep fighting for it... My resources are still pretty good right now. Chen Kai is resourceful. Don’t worry, even if Si Nan’s reach is long, he can’t possibly cover the sky with one hand, right? We can go back to South Korea and develop there...”

Cheng Yishu spoke as if entranced, gripping Lin Xiaowen’s hand more and more tightly, while her heart, like his hand, tightened little by little, and hurt little by little.

“Stop talking!”

Lin Xiaowen shoved him away abruptly and cried his name at the top of her lungs.

“Cheng Yishu, you’re a man. Can’t you stop living for other people? Can’t you just live once for yourself, for your own dreams?”

“You stepped into a world you didn’t even like because you loved someone. Did you ever think about what it is you truly want yourself? Love is not something you can earn simply by being humble enough.”

Lin Xiaowen suddenly felt a piercing ache of pity for him, pity for Cheng Yishu’s aimless confusion, pity for the years of blind, mistaken pursuit.

And even more pity for how, just when he thought he had finally met the right person, he was hurt like this by her...

“What I want...” Cheng Yishu repeated those words lightly, then gave a bitter smile and went on:

“What I’ve always wanted is only an ordinary, simple life, a warm home... a home with you in it...”

Having lost all spirit, Cheng Yishu finished speaking and, as though drained of all strength, leaned there without moving.

And Lin Xiaowen was already in tears.

Yishu, I’m sorry. If I could, I truly wish you had never met me. At least then your sorrow and pain would not have been because of me. But now...

“Take care of yourself...”

With her lips bitten hard between her teeth, Lin Xiaowen no longer looked at Cheng Yishu even once. She resolutely pulled open the door.

Whether anyone was watching or not, whether there were many people there enjoying the spectacle or not, none of it mattered anymore to Cheng Yishu and Lin Xiaowen now...